By: Pat Moffett
August 24 79 A.D.
Mount Vesuvius erupts and buries Pompeii and Herculaneum. Everybody died because they were cold chillin and not even tryin to worry bout no pyroclastic flows of hot ass liquid and gaseous rock. Today Mount Vesuvius is still active, and there are roughly 3 million people living in its blast vicinity proving once again that we, as a species, are all morons.
August 15 1911
Proctor and Gamble Company introduced Crisco vegetable shortening. This lead to extreme obesity, which lead to the extreme consumption of Crisco saturated products, which lead to even more extreme obesity. Fortunately there is a plan to slowly eliminate this symbiotic force. Every weekend remove all the food from Wal-Mart, have a blowout sale and then lock all the doors. Those stuck inside will eat each other until only one person is left, and he or she will not be able to fit out the door and will starve to death. Shop Smart, Shop S-Mart, YA GOT THAT!!!!
August 8 1876/August 31 1887
Thomas Edison patented the mimeograph machine/ Thomas Edison invented the Kinetiscope giving birth to motion pictures. If anyone ever asks you who invented something just say Thomas Edison and two thirds of the time you will be correct. This is no joke, Thomas Edison invented two thirds of everything that has ever been created. That makes him a full third cooler than God and almost as cool as the Old Guy Joe Cabot in Reservoir Dogs.
August 16 1948/1977
Major League Baseball legend Babe Ruth dies at the age of 53 of a rare case of having a hot dog lodged in the left atrium of his heart. 29 years later to the Day Elvis Presley dies at the age of 42 of an even rarer case of sour cream in the lungs.
August 29 1957
Strom Thurmond ends the longest filibuster in US Senate history after speaking for over 24 hours against a civil rights bill. The bill passed and Strom Thurmond died six years later at the age of 112. Despite his death he continued to serve South Carolina in the senate and held a part time job as the Crypt Keeper for two movies and the length of the HBO television series "Tales From The Crypt". Strom Thurmond is currently dead but he may be back as early as January of 2009 to oppose the election of a Black President of the United States.
August 10, 1977
Postal employee David Berkowitz aka Son of Sam was arrested for shooting a bunch of people because he was told by his neighbors demonically possessed Labrador retriever that some folks needed to to die. The insanity defense is awesome and should be used at all times when people need to die. Just kill them and figure the rest out later.
Movie of Month: Army of Darkness.....You say you wanna kill me... now you wanna kiss me...Blow
You tube: Bubb Rub
Music: The Kinks
Internet Rip off: www.thepowerofcash.com
disclaimer: “If you choose to become an active member of The Overnight Cash System (TOCS), please bear in mind that TOCS is NOT a “Do Nothing” program, a "get rich quick scheme" or any type of investment whatsoever. It is a "gifts based upon advertising & marketing" program. You should therefore have a working/marketing budget available to you, with which to initially start marketing your TOCS website.
There are no guarantees of any kind that you will receive any money – and the success of other TOCS members is no guarantee that you will be successful. Your own personal results may vary, and you could receive more (or less) than the figures specified in the featured TOCS member testimonies within this website. Any hypothetical incoming cash examples within this website are for illustration purposes only, and are not intended to imply or promise any monetary results. Success in any program is a result of consistent effort, time and a variety of other factors.”
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment