Lazlo Lee ATMC is the best band in Baltimore…if you ask, say……me. They have an appeal hard to match, the hardcore blues guys love ‘em, the hard core punk guys love ‘em, the girls love ‘em, hell I’ve even seen the rednecks jamming to ‘em. So here they are:
Lazlo Lee and The Motherless Children
An interview with Chris…leads singer, guitarist, and the Lazlo.
Interviewed by: Jon
TF: How long have Lazlo Lee & The Motherless Children been together?
LL: Damn come Halloween it'll be 3 years! We started jamming in a beat up pool house that I eventually converted into an apartment in late in 2005. Our 1st gigs were on Halloween weekend, we did a decent amount of originals from the beginning that I had / had written for a while, but filled some gaps at the gigs jammin' songs like "who's been talkin'" "can't be satisfied" and "baby please don’t go” at a break neck tempo!
TF: Do you have the same problem the Hootie guy has…ya know, with everyone calling you Lazlo all the time?
LL: Yeah it’s pretty funny a lot of folks in and around music know me as Laz or Lazlo. It was actually my cat’s name that i used for myself in a zombie flick I was filming in the summer of 05 and it kinda stuck since then.
TF: Are there any other bands that you have been involved with over the years?
LL: yeah, shit, I been in a few...I guess the 2 main ones that def. stick out are "the malt liquor conspiracy" which was a blues/rock band that I played guitar and sang a little bit in. and "The insomniacs" were a rock/reggae/punk band that i sang and played guitar for. Both bands were from around circa 97-02'. In high school we had a rad punk band called "nifty" and i played drums and sang for a rock/surf/ska band "the accidents" it was really cool growing up in Crofton there was a lot of shit musically going on everywhere and everybody I grew up with were in bands too, it was like Baltimore was close as shit and Annapolis actually had a cool scene at the time and D.C. was just a short trip away,
Every weekend you played or caught a friends band or something ya know'
TF: I know there have been some line-up changes recently, have you picked up a bassist again or do you intend to go forward as a two piece?
LL: Honestly, it’s been a little ruff, since Rebecca left we tried a few people and nothing seems to click. We started as a two piece just Dan and I and we've played a few of the last shows as a 2 piece. I knew we wouldn’t have someone right away, but I love playing out so we’ve still been booking a bunch of shows. We also have had the bassist from The Cheaters "Wolfy" fill in for us at a few, so its been fun the last 2 months but a little shaky. I know we won’t stay a 2 piece but definitely won’t be adding anybody to the band until it feels right. I have a shit ton of new stuff coming so I know the Motherless ain’t going anywhere.
TF: You draw inevitable White Stripes comparisons. What are your opinions on the quick rise to prominence of the “garage blues” scene on the national level?
LL: Yeah we def do, i don’t take that as a bad thing I mean I was really inspired by jack white and that sound he has, we have a few “Stripesy” riffs but the motherless don’t really emulate that. Our stripped down sound is the reason I think and also most people who are getting there education from the radio can’t really compare you to anything else when that’s all they've heard. Don’t get me wrong there’s def some good new bands out there on the radio but for the most part you gotta look around for yourself or you'll just get stuck eating what the serve you. As far as the garage scene recent rise, I think its great people dig good music and nowadays there is just so many new ways and vehicles to find new music and explore it
TF: There are few bands in the area (if any at all) that can blend punk and blues as seamlessly as The Motherless, what are your most direct influences?
LL: That’s the classic question no matter what i say by the next day be ill be like "you stupid fuck those aren’t even close" cause its always something different I’m hearing.
If I had to say to keep it short and sweet: The Sonics, Stooges, White Stripes, Kinks.
TF: Top five old crusty bluesmen?
LL: Damn there always changing, but you can’t beat Charlie Patton as being the crustiest his voice is so gritty and scary. I love al his asides too, ya know. In “spoonful” he sings a line like "would you kill my man" and answer in his aside talk is "well yes baby I will" that’s bad ass gangster shit!
TF: Did you like Black Snake Moan?
LL: Yeah its cool ass hell that The Black Keys rip the opening song, and the scene when Samuel Jackson pulls out his old guitar for the 1st time in years, that monolog he gives is badass.
TF: What are some of your favorite local bands in Baltimore right now?
LL: Just to shout out a few from the variety of music around town id say: The Hot Pursuit, Thee Lexington Arrows and The Fishnet Stalkers. My favorite band in town though are The Expotentials they rock *fist in air* so hard! Matt is a rad guitar player/singer and there is no nastier drummer around than Chuck!
TF: What’s been your best show memory so far?
LL: Um... probably gotta be over a year ago at the full moon saloon. i was sick as hell and my parents came out to catch a set. While someone was handing me shots and a beer in between songs i heard a loud cry "drink some tea baby!" and suddenly the crowd was laughing there asses off cause it was my mom!
TF: It seems like this time last year there were a lot more bands standing together in the garage/rock/whatever scene in Baltimore. I’ve talked to a lot of people around the scene who feel that it’s really fallen apart, a lot of bands called it quits. Do you have any opinions on why it played out this way?
LL: Dude I ain’t gotta clue its kind of a blower! I only got one thing to say about it…
BRING BACK"THE JOHN HARDY BOYS"...i know you can make it happen Johnny...lol
seriously though, check out The Hot Pursuit if garage is your thing they been around about a year and there great. Kind of sounds like Stooges meets Stones meets Kinks! Just with in the past two weeks I took over singing and playing some lead guitar for them things have been going really well and we're jamming a show on the Sunday 15th at The Ottobar.
TF: What’s up next for the The Motherless? Do you have any plans to record a full length in the future?
LL: Of course! our real goal this summer was to promote the 7'' we pressed with raped by records and also do a bunch of outa state shows to spread the e.p and some merch but with the line up change we kinda had to push the touring off for a tad longer... I’d like to record another 6-8 song e.p. and get set up to tour with in the next 6 months or so. Our next gig is the 20th at the metro art gallery we actually are rocking with your new band for the first time and also sharing the stage with Crankdaddy and The Rip Ovs should be a blast TAKE A WIFF ON US!!!
www.myspace.com/themotherlesschildren
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
This Month in History Sept 2008
By: P. Moffett
September 5 1698- Russia's Peter the Great decides to tax bearded men. He actually had the balls to tax facial hair, and if you decided to keep the beard you had to wear a medal that stated "beards are a ridiculous ornament." There are just no words to describe such awesome oppressiveness as this. He had a fricken tax for everything, chimneys, boots, beehives,... how in the hell do you tax a beehive? Peter enacted sweeping reforms and built a massive military turning Russia into a world power. On January 11 1722 he enacted the 'Soul Tax' which basically was a tax for being alive, and though he was not religious himself, he forced those who claimed not to believe in the soul to pay a "religious dissenters tax." I love this guy.
September 13 1899- 68 year old real estate broker Henry Bliss is struck by Arthur Smith while crossing Central Park West in New York City causing the first recorded automobile fatality. When the nurse at the hospital asked Bliss why he did not look both ways for cars when crossing the street he responded 'what the fuck is a car?' And then he died.
September 18 1970- Jimi Hendrix dies in London at the age of 27. Bummer
September 19 1995- The Washington Post publishes Ted Kaczynski a.k.a the UNAbombers 35,000 word Manifesto. The Unabomber had been wanted for mail bombings since 1978 but the FBI was unable to gain any ground until the publication of the Manifesto which told of the bleak state of society caused by the industrial revolution. This may be because the FBI's only evidence until then was a sketch that looked like Magnum P.I. crossed with a serial rapist. In reality Kaczynski had none of Tom Selleck’s sleek chiseled features and just looked like your everyday, run of the mill, old creepy serial rapist, and was caught only because David Kaczynski recognized the writing style of the Manifesto as that of his brother. He was arrested in a small cabin in Montana which is now on exhibit at the News Museum in Washington D.C.
September 8 1998- Mark McGwire hits his 62 home run of the season and breaks the 37 year old mark set by Roger Maris. McGwire trots around the bases and then climbs to the stands and to share the moment with Maris family. Unfortunately when he hugs Maris's widow her head pops off like a champagne cork and lands in the upper deck of Busch Stadium. He then eats Maris's children and showers the cheering fans in some steroid enhanced urine.
Movie of the Month- Millers Crossing...The Coen Brothers at their best
Food of the Month- Its about to be Crocktober suckas, slow cook something and gain some weight for the cold months.
REGISTER TO VOTE.!!!
September 5 1698- Russia's Peter the Great decides to tax bearded men. He actually had the balls to tax facial hair, and if you decided to keep the beard you had to wear a medal that stated "beards are a ridiculous ornament." There are just no words to describe such awesome oppressiveness as this. He had a fricken tax for everything, chimneys, boots, beehives,... how in the hell do you tax a beehive? Peter enacted sweeping reforms and built a massive military turning Russia into a world power. On January 11 1722 he enacted the 'Soul Tax' which basically was a tax for being alive, and though he was not religious himself, he forced those who claimed not to believe in the soul to pay a "religious dissenters tax." I love this guy.
September 13 1899- 68 year old real estate broker Henry Bliss is struck by Arthur Smith while crossing Central Park West in New York City causing the first recorded automobile fatality. When the nurse at the hospital asked Bliss why he did not look both ways for cars when crossing the street he responded 'what the fuck is a car?' And then he died.
September 18 1970- Jimi Hendrix dies in London at the age of 27. Bummer
September 19 1995- The Washington Post publishes Ted Kaczynski a.k.a the UNAbombers 35,000 word Manifesto. The Unabomber had been wanted for mail bombings since 1978 but the FBI was unable to gain any ground until the publication of the Manifesto which told of the bleak state of society caused by the industrial revolution. This may be because the FBI's only evidence until then was a sketch that looked like Magnum P.I. crossed with a serial rapist. In reality Kaczynski had none of Tom Selleck’s sleek chiseled features and just looked like your everyday, run of the mill, old creepy serial rapist, and was caught only because David Kaczynski recognized the writing style of the Manifesto as that of his brother. He was arrested in a small cabin in Montana which is now on exhibit at the News Museum in Washington D.C.
September 8 1998- Mark McGwire hits his 62 home run of the season and breaks the 37 year old mark set by Roger Maris. McGwire trots around the bases and then climbs to the stands and to share the moment with Maris family. Unfortunately when he hugs Maris's widow her head pops off like a champagne cork and lands in the upper deck of Busch Stadium. He then eats Maris's children and showers the cheering fans in some steroid enhanced urine.
Movie of the Month- Millers Crossing...The Coen Brothers at their best
Food of the Month- Its about to be Crocktober suckas, slow cook something and gain some weight for the cold months.
REGISTER TO VOTE.!!!
One of New York's finest...The Teenage Prayers
Interview by: Cody
TF: Is it better or worse to be a serious band in a city like New York where there are a lot of diverse music fans, but at the same time 9,341 other bands acting seriously too? I'm sure a lot of bands fly under the radar so to speak...
TP: It's kind of a catch 22. We love being a band in New York because it is so diverse and there are so many places to see and play great shows, however, with an oversaturated environment such as this it makes things hard for a band trying to get some recognition. If we were based out of a smaller town we could easily focus the music scene around us, but in New York it's hard to stay focused on anything. Really though, it does create a much deeper bond between band members as we are the only people we have to answer to. The extra added difficulty just makes every success that much more sweet.
TF: How have your touring experiences been thus far?
TP: The tours that we've been on have been fantastic. It's kind of like being involved in an iron man contest. You have to struggle through adversity, sleep on floors, play in places that look and smell like the end of the world and drink heavily every single night. The drinking part isn't necessarily something you have to do but it helps with the whole waking up in a Howard Johnsons at six in the morning in New Orleans thing...yeah....that sucked. I will say that touring allows for you to see a ton of the country. The U.S. is truly a strange and beautiful place.
TF: Otis Redding or Aretha Franklin?
TP: Well, now, that's a tough one. Otis Redding is and always will be a personal hero to everyone in the band, but we could easily say the same thing about Aretha. I'd say that they are pretty much equal to us, although I will admit that I prefer Otis' version of 'Respect' over Aretha's, so there.
TF: When was the last time a band member got kicked out of/nearly got kicked out of a bar for slamming a cue ball down on the pool table?
TP: We were in Easton, Maryland and our bass player (mine and my brother's cousin Kyle) decided to start doing scientific tests on how much pressure a cue ball could take before it crumbles. I was personally a little disappointed that we never got a real conclusion. Obviously that bar tender wasn't interested in the advancement of technology or intelligence in our ever changing world. That being said, our bass player does make a concerted effort to try to get kicked out of most bars we enter, call it a hobby of sorts.
TF: You guys seem to bring a lot of styles to the table...I can listen to one song and hear Stax Records, The Stooges, and Gram Parsons at once...where does it all come from?
TP: We all love the same kinds of music, it's just a matter of what we love more than other stuff. Think of it as a jar filled with influences and for each of us a few things float a little higher than the others. I love everything Stax, Randy Newman and The Kinks, but I'm also huge into Pavement and Guided by Voices, which adds a different element to the way I play. Timmy is into Pavement and GBV, but Stax and Spiritualized rise to the top. Kyle drums loves Spiritualized, but really really loves Merle Haggard and Will Oldham. Kyle bass likes Will Oldham and Merle Haggard but is head over heels for The Dirtbombs and Bruce Springsteen. Overall I think that this eclectic mix makes for something really interesting and theatrical. We really just want to be loud.
TF: Where can low-life scum bags in Maryland get your music if they happened to be particularly scummy and low-lifey and missed your shows the couple times you've been through on tour?
TP: You can always go to our website, www. teenageprayers. com, and make a purchase. If you don't want to do that, both of our albums, Ten Songs and Everyone Thinks You're The Best, are available on ITunes and Amazon. com. Go buy our stuff and then check out our tour dates on our myspace page (www. myspace. com/theteenageprayers) and come see us!
TF: What does the term "Rock of Love" mean to you exactly?
TP: Isn't that a show or something? I would say that, to me, Rock of Love is not so much a term as it is a mantra. Every morning when I get up I strap on my guitar and play Rush's 'Tom Sawyer' in it's entirety in order to appease the Rock gods. I then play Joan Jett's 'I Love Rock n' Roll' 50 times in a row on piano. This is all part of my Rock of Love regiment and my Rock n' Roll fantasy, my Rock n' Roll dream.
TF: Has there ever been a worse set of interview questions than the ones you just wasted your time answering?
TP: Well, I mean that depends. I don't usually answer interview questions as Tim, who is the lead singer and consumate front man for the band, more often than not takes the baton. I would even hesitate to say that this is my FIRST time answering interview questions, so this set is actually the best I've ever seen. It was a total waste of time though.
www.teenageprayers.com
TF: Is it better or worse to be a serious band in a city like New York where there are a lot of diverse music fans, but at the same time 9,341 other bands acting seriously too? I'm sure a lot of bands fly under the radar so to speak...
TP: It's kind of a catch 22. We love being a band in New York because it is so diverse and there are so many places to see and play great shows, however, with an oversaturated environment such as this it makes things hard for a band trying to get some recognition. If we were based out of a smaller town we could easily focus the music scene around us, but in New York it's hard to stay focused on anything. Really though, it does create a much deeper bond between band members as we are the only people we have to answer to. The extra added difficulty just makes every success that much more sweet.
TF: How have your touring experiences been thus far?
TP: The tours that we've been on have been fantastic. It's kind of like being involved in an iron man contest. You have to struggle through adversity, sleep on floors, play in places that look and smell like the end of the world and drink heavily every single night. The drinking part isn't necessarily something you have to do but it helps with the whole waking up in a Howard Johnsons at six in the morning in New Orleans thing...yeah....that sucked. I will say that touring allows for you to see a ton of the country. The U.S. is truly a strange and beautiful place.
TF: Otis Redding or Aretha Franklin?
TP: Well, now, that's a tough one. Otis Redding is and always will be a personal hero to everyone in the band, but we could easily say the same thing about Aretha. I'd say that they are pretty much equal to us, although I will admit that I prefer Otis' version of 'Respect' over Aretha's, so there.
TF: When was the last time a band member got kicked out of/nearly got kicked out of a bar for slamming a cue ball down on the pool table?
TP: We were in Easton, Maryland and our bass player (mine and my brother's cousin Kyle) decided to start doing scientific tests on how much pressure a cue ball could take before it crumbles. I was personally a little disappointed that we never got a real conclusion. Obviously that bar tender wasn't interested in the advancement of technology or intelligence in our ever changing world. That being said, our bass player does make a concerted effort to try to get kicked out of most bars we enter, call it a hobby of sorts.
TF: You guys seem to bring a lot of styles to the table...I can listen to one song and hear Stax Records, The Stooges, and Gram Parsons at once...where does it all come from?
TP: We all love the same kinds of music, it's just a matter of what we love more than other stuff. Think of it as a jar filled with influences and for each of us a few things float a little higher than the others. I love everything Stax, Randy Newman and The Kinks, but I'm also huge into Pavement and Guided by Voices, which adds a different element to the way I play. Timmy is into Pavement and GBV, but Stax and Spiritualized rise to the top. Kyle drums loves Spiritualized, but really really loves Merle Haggard and Will Oldham. Kyle bass likes Will Oldham and Merle Haggard but is head over heels for The Dirtbombs and Bruce Springsteen. Overall I think that this eclectic mix makes for something really interesting and theatrical. We really just want to be loud.
TF: Where can low-life scum bags in Maryland get your music if they happened to be particularly scummy and low-lifey and missed your shows the couple times you've been through on tour?
TP: You can always go to our website, www. teenageprayers. com, and make a purchase. If you don't want to do that, both of our albums, Ten Songs and Everyone Thinks You're The Best, are available on ITunes and Amazon. com. Go buy our stuff and then check out our tour dates on our myspace page (www. myspace. com/theteenageprayers) and come see us!
TF: What does the term "Rock of Love" mean to you exactly?
TP: Isn't that a show or something? I would say that, to me, Rock of Love is not so much a term as it is a mantra. Every morning when I get up I strap on my guitar and play Rush's 'Tom Sawyer' in it's entirety in order to appease the Rock gods. I then play Joan Jett's 'I Love Rock n' Roll' 50 times in a row on piano. This is all part of my Rock of Love regiment and my Rock n' Roll fantasy, my Rock n' Roll dream.
TF: Has there ever been a worse set of interview questions than the ones you just wasted your time answering?
TP: Well, I mean that depends. I don't usually answer interview questions as Tim, who is the lead singer and consumate front man for the band, more often than not takes the baton. I would even hesitate to say that this is my FIRST time answering interview questions, so this set is actually the best I've ever seen. It was a total waste of time though.
www.teenageprayers.com
The Wild and Whacky World of Scientology...
A Timeline.
By: Cody
74, 997, 992 BC – Xenu, ruler of the Galactic Confederacy, brings millions of people to the planet earth in aircrafts similar to the modern day DC-8. He then proceeds to stack the aircrafts around a volcano and blow them up with hydrogen bombs. The souls of these poor bastards cluster themselves together and to this very day continue to stick to humans and cause ill effects. To this day Scientologists are very intent on neutralizing these...ummm....floating...clustery...uhh...sticky...bad soul things?
1934 – German writer Anastasius Nordenholz publishes “Scientologie : Science of the Constitution and Usefulness of Knowledge” pertaining to the study of consciousness. Approximately 19 years later (give or take a few minutes) some other joker stakes a similar claim to the same word and definition...how novel of him!
1953 – Science Fiction (fiction as in things that are not factual) author L. Ron Hubbard lays down the fundamental beliefs and policies of Scientology and starts the first official Church of Scientology. He defines Scientology as “The study of truth.” His followers don’t question this definition because as a fiction writer he obviously has the credentials to pass on his knowledge of the truth.
1958 – “Have You Lived Before This Life” finds L. Ron publishing accounts of church members experiences in past lives. He claims that some of these events were merely planted in their heads by complex extraterrestrial dictatorships in hopes of brainwashing the earth’s population. Certain scholars believe that L. Ron Hubbard may have been a very dense version of an extraterrestrial dictator himself at one time. I just referred to myself as “certain scholars”, OK fine, I admit it...
1966 – L. Ron patents the “E-Meter”, a device that measures electrical resistance in the human body. Volney Mathison actually invented the E-meter in the early 1950’s, and somehow Ronny ends up getting the patent, go figure. Mathison was apparantly not pleased and has been quoted as saying “I decry the doings of trivial fakers such as Scientologists.” Well said. The Church of Scientology sells E-meters for anywhere from $900 to $4650. They are used to gauge one’s mental state and effectively treat up to 70 percent of all physical and mental illness. It’s two dials and two metal cans! Pretty amazing!
1967 – Fair Game Policy is put into effect stating that anyone who speaks out against scientology is fair game for retaliation. “Enemy – May be deprived of property or injured by any means...may be tricked, sued, lied to, or destroyed.” The policy targets everyone from wives, family, the FDA, and the IRS.
1976 – Uh Oh! Scientologists end up in court for “Operation Freakout.” Paulette Cooper is targeted for her book “The Scandal of Scientology.” Church members break into her office posing as solicitors, steal her stationary with her address and fingerprints on it, and send bombthreats to one of their own Scientology buildings in hopes of framing her and getting her incarcerated. They additionally plan to send bombthreats to foreign embassies and disguise a member as Paulette Cooper and threaten to assassinate the President of the United States as a further means to frame her for crimes she didn’t commit. Thank Xenu they got caught before they could carry out the additional plans.
1979 – Not again! Eleven high ranking church officials end up in federal court after “Operation Snow White”, a project designed to clean up unfavorable public records pertaining to Scientology as a whole. They infiltrated, wiretapped and/or stole from 136 government buildings and foreign embassies in 30 countries using 5,000 or so covert agents. Operation HOLY SHIT! would be a more appropriate title.
1980 – Readers Digest quotes Hubbard as saying “If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion.” Tell us how you really feel...
1983 – Hubbard Re-introduces the Disconnection policy, encouraging members not to be in contact with family and friends who disagree with Scientology.
1986 – L Ron Hubbard finally dies and the church issues a statement claiming that he had “deliberately discarded his body to do higher level spiritual research” and now lived a galaxy away from the one we all inhabit. Couldn’t have come a day sooner I say, I’m not sure if the world rejoiced but if they didn’t they should have.
1990 – Present – Tom Cruise officially enters the Danger Zone by joining the church and continually freaking out nearly everyone by going apeshit about who knows what and punching Oprah’s floor, shaking her vigorously, and putting his dirty ass feet all over her couch.
1996 – The church attempts to take legal action on several groups publishing damning information about them, including trying to cut a deal with google to push websites with such information further back on search results pages.
I give up...There is a never-ending source of hilarious/frightening information about these clowns. This could have encompassed 30 issues of Think Forward, just wish me luck when they take me to court!!
By: Cody
74, 997, 992 BC – Xenu, ruler of the Galactic Confederacy, brings millions of people to the planet earth in aircrafts similar to the modern day DC-8. He then proceeds to stack the aircrafts around a volcano and blow them up with hydrogen bombs. The souls of these poor bastards cluster themselves together and to this very day continue to stick to humans and cause ill effects. To this day Scientologists are very intent on neutralizing these...ummm....floating...clustery...uhh...sticky...bad soul things?
1934 – German writer Anastasius Nordenholz publishes “Scientologie : Science of the Constitution and Usefulness of Knowledge” pertaining to the study of consciousness. Approximately 19 years later (give or take a few minutes) some other joker stakes a similar claim to the same word and definition...how novel of him!
1953 – Science Fiction (fiction as in things that are not factual) author L. Ron Hubbard lays down the fundamental beliefs and policies of Scientology and starts the first official Church of Scientology. He defines Scientology as “The study of truth.” His followers don’t question this definition because as a fiction writer he obviously has the credentials to pass on his knowledge of the truth.
1958 – “Have You Lived Before This Life” finds L. Ron publishing accounts of church members experiences in past lives. He claims that some of these events were merely planted in their heads by complex extraterrestrial dictatorships in hopes of brainwashing the earth’s population. Certain scholars believe that L. Ron Hubbard may have been a very dense version of an extraterrestrial dictator himself at one time. I just referred to myself as “certain scholars”, OK fine, I admit it...
1966 – L. Ron patents the “E-Meter”, a device that measures electrical resistance in the human body. Volney Mathison actually invented the E-meter in the early 1950’s, and somehow Ronny ends up getting the patent, go figure. Mathison was apparantly not pleased and has been quoted as saying “I decry the doings of trivial fakers such as Scientologists.” Well said. The Church of Scientology sells E-meters for anywhere from $900 to $4650. They are used to gauge one’s mental state and effectively treat up to 70 percent of all physical and mental illness. It’s two dials and two metal cans! Pretty amazing!
1967 – Fair Game Policy is put into effect stating that anyone who speaks out against scientology is fair game for retaliation. “Enemy – May be deprived of property or injured by any means...may be tricked, sued, lied to, or destroyed.” The policy targets everyone from wives, family, the FDA, and the IRS.
1976 – Uh Oh! Scientologists end up in court for “Operation Freakout.” Paulette Cooper is targeted for her book “The Scandal of Scientology.” Church members break into her office posing as solicitors, steal her stationary with her address and fingerprints on it, and send bombthreats to one of their own Scientology buildings in hopes of framing her and getting her incarcerated. They additionally plan to send bombthreats to foreign embassies and disguise a member as Paulette Cooper and threaten to assassinate the President of the United States as a further means to frame her for crimes she didn’t commit. Thank Xenu they got caught before they could carry out the additional plans.
1979 – Not again! Eleven high ranking church officials end up in federal court after “Operation Snow White”, a project designed to clean up unfavorable public records pertaining to Scientology as a whole. They infiltrated, wiretapped and/or stole from 136 government buildings and foreign embassies in 30 countries using 5,000 or so covert agents. Operation HOLY SHIT! would be a more appropriate title.
1980 – Readers Digest quotes Hubbard as saying “If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion.” Tell us how you really feel...
1983 – Hubbard Re-introduces the Disconnection policy, encouraging members not to be in contact with family and friends who disagree with Scientology.
1986 – L Ron Hubbard finally dies and the church issues a statement claiming that he had “deliberately discarded his body to do higher level spiritual research” and now lived a galaxy away from the one we all inhabit. Couldn’t have come a day sooner I say, I’m not sure if the world rejoiced but if they didn’t they should have.
1990 – Present – Tom Cruise officially enters the Danger Zone by joining the church and continually freaking out nearly everyone by going apeshit about who knows what and punching Oprah’s floor, shaking her vigorously, and putting his dirty ass feet all over her couch.
1996 – The church attempts to take legal action on several groups publishing damning information about them, including trying to cut a deal with google to push websites with such information further back on search results pages.
I give up...There is a never-ending source of hilarious/frightening information about these clowns. This could have encompassed 30 issues of Think Forward, just wish me luck when they take me to court!!
Raphael Saadiq “The Way I See It”
By: C. Beaz
I love soul music. It ages very well. I do mean soul music, not R&B. They use to be the same thing, now they’re not. Let me use a modern example: Usher is R&B. Alicia Keys is Soul. If you still don’t get it then you’ve never listened to their records. I’m not talking about modern soul music anyway (Though there are some shining stars, most of it’s WAY over-produced for my taste). I’m referring to classic soul. Give me anything from the mid-sixties to the late 80’s. It smoothes my edges. All is well when I got Stevie!
This is precisely why I’ve been unable to stop listening to Rapheal Saadiq’s latest record. It’s not just a throw-back to 60’s-70’s soul records…it IS a 60’s-70’s soul record! Anyone who enjoys the Temptations, the Miracles, etc., MUST buy this record! It’s like a ride in a time machine. Everything about this record is reminiscent of the days of Motown, even the sound quality.
Rapheal Saadiq set out to make a straight forward tribute record to an era of music he loved. He did it, and only “slipped” once. That’s when he decided to include Jay-Z on the “bonus track”. Why is it always Jay-Z? Not all guest spots were quite so shameless…Joss Stone appears on “Just One Kiss”, sounding very much like a ninety pound white chick who wishes she was Gladys Knight. Also, on “Never Give You Up”, Stevie Wonder appears to play the same harmonica solo we’ve all heard a thousand times. Hey, I didn’t say they were GOOD guest spots, I said they weren’t shameless.
All around….this record is 95% fantastic!
I love soul music. It ages very well. I do mean soul music, not R&B. They use to be the same thing, now they’re not. Let me use a modern example: Usher is R&B. Alicia Keys is Soul. If you still don’t get it then you’ve never listened to their records. I’m not talking about modern soul music anyway (Though there are some shining stars, most of it’s WAY over-produced for my taste). I’m referring to classic soul. Give me anything from the mid-sixties to the late 80’s. It smoothes my edges. All is well when I got Stevie!
This is precisely why I’ve been unable to stop listening to Rapheal Saadiq’s latest record. It’s not just a throw-back to 60’s-70’s soul records…it IS a 60’s-70’s soul record! Anyone who enjoys the Temptations, the Miracles, etc., MUST buy this record! It’s like a ride in a time machine. Everything about this record is reminiscent of the days of Motown, even the sound quality.
Rapheal Saadiq set out to make a straight forward tribute record to an era of music he loved. He did it, and only “slipped” once. That’s when he decided to include Jay-Z on the “bonus track”. Why is it always Jay-Z? Not all guest spots were quite so shameless…Joss Stone appears on “Just One Kiss”, sounding very much like a ninety pound white chick who wishes she was Gladys Knight. Also, on “Never Give You Up”, Stevie Wonder appears to play the same harmonica solo we’ve all heard a thousand times. Hey, I didn’t say they were GOOD guest spots, I said they weren’t shameless.
All around….this record is 95% fantastic!
“When the Fire’s Dead and Gone”
By: C. Beaz
It happens to a lot of bands, especially the successful ones. They reach the apex of their creativity (or commercial success) and spend the rest of their career trying to stay there. This rarely works out. There are few who manage to reclaim a spot on top, but it’s tough. The mountain of success, whether commercial or creative, has a very gradual climb and a dangerously steep drop. My point is that it’s not uncommon for the next big thing to suddenly become the previous best thing. These bands just have to realize it and come to terms with it!
There is a certain group I have in mind as I write this. It’s been twenty years since they released what I consider to be their best record. Two years later, they released their most successful (and most criticized) record. So here’s a band that has spent the better part of eighteen years trying to stay fresh. Needless to say, they’ve failed. And in case you haven’t guessed, I’m talking about Metallica. Their career since then has been a comedy of errors. Metallica rolled out record after record of useless crap.
Examples:
“Load” – all I really remember is that they cut their hair.
“Reload” – “…give me fuel, give me fire, give me that which I desire”?!?!?
“Garage, Inc.” – the Queen cover was cool…I guess.
“S&M” – the dweeb in me kinda liked it actually!
“St. Anger” – worst thing I ever paid for.
That brings me to the present: “Death Magnetic”
Apart from the silly name, which is nothing new really (see: “Ride the Lightning”), this isn’t the worst record they could have made. They are capable of FAR worse! Apparently when making this record producer Rick Rubin told them to make the second half of “Master of Puppets”. That’s obviously what they tried to do. There are two problems with that though. The first one being that “Master of Puppets” didn’t need a second half! The second one is that these guys are forty-something, Armani leather jacket wearing millionaires. Not twenty year old, zit-faced, pissed-off metalheads.
Metallica doesn’t have it anymore. Fade away Metallica….please! And for the love of God, give Rob Trujillio back to Suicidal Tendencies where he can do some good!
It happens to a lot of bands, especially the successful ones. They reach the apex of their creativity (or commercial success) and spend the rest of their career trying to stay there. This rarely works out. There are few who manage to reclaim a spot on top, but it’s tough. The mountain of success, whether commercial or creative, has a very gradual climb and a dangerously steep drop. My point is that it’s not uncommon for the next big thing to suddenly become the previous best thing. These bands just have to realize it and come to terms with it!
There is a certain group I have in mind as I write this. It’s been twenty years since they released what I consider to be their best record. Two years later, they released their most successful (and most criticized) record. So here’s a band that has spent the better part of eighteen years trying to stay fresh. Needless to say, they’ve failed. And in case you haven’t guessed, I’m talking about Metallica. Their career since then has been a comedy of errors. Metallica rolled out record after record of useless crap.
Examples:
“Load” – all I really remember is that they cut their hair.
“Reload” – “…give me fuel, give me fire, give me that which I desire”?!?!?
“Garage, Inc.” – the Queen cover was cool…I guess.
“S&M” – the dweeb in me kinda liked it actually!
“St. Anger” – worst thing I ever paid for.
That brings me to the present: “Death Magnetic”
Apart from the silly name, which is nothing new really (see: “Ride the Lightning”), this isn’t the worst record they could have made. They are capable of FAR worse! Apparently when making this record producer Rick Rubin told them to make the second half of “Master of Puppets”. That’s obviously what they tried to do. There are two problems with that though. The first one being that “Master of Puppets” didn’t need a second half! The second one is that these guys are forty-something, Armani leather jacket wearing millionaires. Not twenty year old, zit-faced, pissed-off metalheads.
Metallica doesn’t have it anymore. Fade away Metallica….please! And for the love of God, give Rob Trujillio back to Suicidal Tendencies where he can do some good!
Political Policies? Welcome to #4.
Think Forward was never intended to be a tool for pushing and promoting the political views of its creators and contributors. I would like to think that Republicans, Democrats, and any and all Independents would be welcome to take part in what we have set out to do…promote creativity.
Therefore, I will refrain from telling you exactly why I am suddenly so petrified for my country. Let’s just say the mania is at a fever pitch and they’re selling products inspired by her EVERYWHERE! Wigs, glasses, t-shirts, buttons, guns….you know where I’m going with this. Canada’s sounding pretty nice aboot now huh?
Anyway, the point is, we here at Think Forward will not make a play at telling you how to vote…or feel. You have enough people telling you that. What we WILL do is encourage you to do some research on these people. Not on CNN or FOX News, not on Saturday Night Live (Hi-larious!), not on Dr. Phil…do it yourself. Make an educated decision! This is no time for being apathetic, too much is at stake. And as long as you know in your heart you’ve done what YOU think is right, then you’ve done enough.
Think forward.
~ Us here at TF
Therefore, I will refrain from telling you exactly why I am suddenly so petrified for my country. Let’s just say the mania is at a fever pitch and they’re selling products inspired by her EVERYWHERE! Wigs, glasses, t-shirts, buttons, guns….you know where I’m going with this. Canada’s sounding pretty nice aboot now huh?
Anyway, the point is, we here at Think Forward will not make a play at telling you how to vote…or feel. You have enough people telling you that. What we WILL do is encourage you to do some research on these people. Not on CNN or FOX News, not on Saturday Night Live (Hi-larious!), not on Dr. Phil…do it yourself. Make an educated decision! This is no time for being apathetic, too much is at stake. And as long as you know in your heart you’ve done what YOU think is right, then you’ve done enough.
Think forward.
~ Us here at TF
In It To Win It
In It To Win It
By: Chris Acyd
Sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll seem to always go together. Straight-laced views about morality and purity were largely discarded in the 70s as hippies took acid and climbed the ‘stairway to heaven’, while UK teens got high on cheap speed and embraced an “anything goes” punk lifestyle. It wasn’t until the beginnings of the hardcore movement in the early 80s that bands like Minor Threat began to push a straight edge agenda, refraining from drinking, drugs, and casual sex, and bringing us the X’s that are still used to mark underage fans at shows.
Two decades later, Sussex County’s In It To Win It maintains the connection between hardcore and straight edge, playing All Ages shows at churches and youth cafes, spawning moshpits in the tamest of crowds with a set that is pure ferocity. Far beyond the simplicity of early hardcore, the band’s metal influences come through with blistering speed and energy, delivered with both righteous anger and a positive attitude that draws fans.
Acyd: How did the band start? How did the band make the decision to be straight edge? Has it been worth it?
Dustin (drums): I started this band in August of 2007 with our guitarist Spencer. We originally planned on writing a totally different style of music but soon realized it wasn't working out the way we planned. A couple weeks later we asked our good friend Woody to join and then realized "Well, we're all straight edge...so why don't we start a hardcore band based upon the lifestyle?" After jamming around a few weekends we got this kid that Woody had been in a previous band with on drums and I did vocals. Played two or three shows I think and realized we had to make a line-up change. We ended up kicking our drummer out and I moved over to drums. Immediately after making the decision I called up my friend Rich, who had been in previous bands with me before. Started practicing, got together a full set of songs and played shows in December. Ever since then we've gotten a great response and our fan base is growing. So it's definitely been worth it!
Acyd: Early hardcore bands denied drugs, alcohol, and, in some cases, sex. In embracing the straight edge lifestyle, how far do you take it?
Dustin: Everyone in the band adopts the basics. "No drugs, no alcohol and no promiscuous sex." I'm the only vegetarian in the band but I don't really relate that to the straight edge lifestyle, it's more of my personal view on animal rights.
Acyd: Like many bands in your particular scene, you play shows at church-based cafes and the like. Does In It To Win It have a religious message, or are you just taking advantage of all available venues?
Dustin: The band does not have a religious message, we are just trying to reach people of all kinds and possibly start a spark in the minds of our generation and so on.
Acyd: There are some who will come up to someone at a show and slap a beer out of their hand. Do you take this militant approach, or choose to lead by example?
Dustin: Haha, no we're not going to slap a beer out of your hand. We have no room in telling you how to live your life. We just want to let people know there is a subculture that embraces these beliefs
Acyd: What are some of your influences, musically?
Dustin: Everyone in the band has different influences. Everything from death metal to pop punk! It's pretty righteous because it's starting to show in the way we write our music.
Acyd: You're just begun an East Coast tour. What are your expectations for the tour, and what are your plans for when it's finished?
Dustin: We've all been so stoked on this tour because we're hitting up some new places and playing some awesome venues.
Everyone in this band loves to tour and personally nothing makes me more happy than being on the road playing music every night with my best friends for the right reasons.
As for when this tour is over, we will be playing shows on the weekends and possibly booking mini-tours here and there.
Other than that our focus is to write new material, work as much as possible and promote the EP we are about to release through 1981 Records!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
While the straight edge lifestyle might be sneered at by some, it's accepted if not always embraced by the uniquely tolerant Eastern Shore scene. Lead guitarist Ben Everett of Queen Anne's 'The Abolitionists' wears the label himself, saying "I wanna try to make a difference and promote change for the good of the common people. I don't think I can do that while I'm getting fucked up. It might work for other people, but it isn't for me. But I also don't care if other people do drugs or drink or whatever, I think it's a personal choice." Easton mover-and-shaker Cody, of Press Black and The International Jet Set, notes that while he's not straight edge, "I think it's great that there are young people who are trying to act responsibly and I think it's great that there are young people getting wasted and having the time of their lives. It boils down to personal liberty...because that's what it's all about right?"
By: Chris Acyd
Sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll seem to always go together. Straight-laced views about morality and purity were largely discarded in the 70s as hippies took acid and climbed the ‘stairway to heaven’, while UK teens got high on cheap speed and embraced an “anything goes” punk lifestyle. It wasn’t until the beginnings of the hardcore movement in the early 80s that bands like Minor Threat began to push a straight edge agenda, refraining from drinking, drugs, and casual sex, and bringing us the X’s that are still used to mark underage fans at shows.
Two decades later, Sussex County’s In It To Win It maintains the connection between hardcore and straight edge, playing All Ages shows at churches and youth cafes, spawning moshpits in the tamest of crowds with a set that is pure ferocity. Far beyond the simplicity of early hardcore, the band’s metal influences come through with blistering speed and energy, delivered with both righteous anger and a positive attitude that draws fans.
Acyd: How did the band start? How did the band make the decision to be straight edge? Has it been worth it?
Dustin (drums): I started this band in August of 2007 with our guitarist Spencer. We originally planned on writing a totally different style of music but soon realized it wasn't working out the way we planned. A couple weeks later we asked our good friend Woody to join and then realized "Well, we're all straight edge...so why don't we start a hardcore band based upon the lifestyle?" After jamming around a few weekends we got this kid that Woody had been in a previous band with on drums and I did vocals. Played two or three shows I think and realized we had to make a line-up change. We ended up kicking our drummer out and I moved over to drums. Immediately after making the decision I called up my friend Rich, who had been in previous bands with me before. Started practicing, got together a full set of songs and played shows in December. Ever since then we've gotten a great response and our fan base is growing. So it's definitely been worth it!
Acyd: Early hardcore bands denied drugs, alcohol, and, in some cases, sex. In embracing the straight edge lifestyle, how far do you take it?
Dustin: Everyone in the band adopts the basics. "No drugs, no alcohol and no promiscuous sex." I'm the only vegetarian in the band but I don't really relate that to the straight edge lifestyle, it's more of my personal view on animal rights.
Acyd: Like many bands in your particular scene, you play shows at church-based cafes and the like. Does In It To Win It have a religious message, or are you just taking advantage of all available venues?
Dustin: The band does not have a religious message, we are just trying to reach people of all kinds and possibly start a spark in the minds of our generation and so on.
Acyd: There are some who will come up to someone at a show and slap a beer out of their hand. Do you take this militant approach, or choose to lead by example?
Dustin: Haha, no we're not going to slap a beer out of your hand. We have no room in telling you how to live your life. We just want to let people know there is a subculture that embraces these beliefs
Acyd: What are some of your influences, musically?
Dustin: Everyone in the band has different influences. Everything from death metal to pop punk! It's pretty righteous because it's starting to show in the way we write our music.
Acyd: You're just begun an East Coast tour. What are your expectations for the tour, and what are your plans for when it's finished?
Dustin: We've all been so stoked on this tour because we're hitting up some new places and playing some awesome venues.
Everyone in this band loves to tour and personally nothing makes me more happy than being on the road playing music every night with my best friends for the right reasons.
As for when this tour is over, we will be playing shows on the weekends and possibly booking mini-tours here and there.
Other than that our focus is to write new material, work as much as possible and promote the EP we are about to release through 1981 Records!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
While the straight edge lifestyle might be sneered at by some, it's accepted if not always embraced by the uniquely tolerant Eastern Shore scene. Lead guitarist Ben Everett of Queen Anne's 'The Abolitionists' wears the label himself, saying "I wanna try to make a difference and promote change for the good of the common people. I don't think I can do that while I'm getting fucked up. It might work for other people, but it isn't for me. But I also don't care if other people do drugs or drink or whatever, I think it's a personal choice." Easton mover-and-shaker Cody, of Press Black and The International Jet Set, notes that while he's not straight edge, "I think it's great that there are young people who are trying to act responsibly and I think it's great that there are young people getting wasted and having the time of their lives. It boils down to personal liberty...because that's what it's all about right?"
ENVIRONMENTAL ALERT
Don't Eat Take-Out; It's Environmentally Catastrophic
For dinner this evening, decided to try the new Panera Bread that just opened around the corner in Easton. Since I was filthy from work (scraping old shutters) and moving Cheri's big honking desk (props to Kenney, Matt, and Cody), and too exhausted to clean up and go public, we decided to look up their menu online and do some carry-out. New restaurant, new sugar-coated processed food- an exciting Friday evening for the average American dullard. She ordered soup and a sandwich, and I also, plus a bread-bowl to house my cheddar-broccoli.
Girlfriend offered to run and pick-up the food and I greeted her when she returned with the meal, not paying attention to what she brought in. When I laid eyes, the healthy appetite I had worked up inhaling flecks of old dead paint and hoisting a half-ton desk through a second-story window, pretty much went out the window.
Sitting in pomp grandiosity on our dining room table was the Monster Cock of all paper bags. It had brown twisty-rope handles and was the size of a mini-fridge. I gazed up, over and down into its' gynormous cavity. Successively, I was hit with a first, and then a second shocking wave of overwhelming disgustipation when I absorbed that each order (the balls, so to speak)- the soup, the sandwich, the other soup, the other sandwich, and the breadbowl- had each been separately bagged; all within the one Mother Bag. "Nature is fucked", the bag called out- the paper with a whimper, the Panera Bread Logo with ignorant, corporate triumphalism.
Continuing, I pull out the soup in its non-recyclable foam & plastic container, then grab the sandwich, wrapped so thoroughly in food-tissue paper that I strongly recommend their services to anyone selling Fine China on eBay. I felt like I had cut down the whole apple tree for 1 or 2 pieces of fruit. Doesn't Panera Bread realize how hard it is for me to enjoy their food when I'm left feeling like wasteful, consumptive human scum?
Deeply saddened,
Mr. Wilson
copyright 2008
For dinner this evening, decided to try the new Panera Bread that just opened around the corner in Easton. Since I was filthy from work (scraping old shutters) and moving Cheri's big honking desk (props to Kenney, Matt, and Cody), and too exhausted to clean up and go public, we decided to look up their menu online and do some carry-out. New restaurant, new sugar-coated processed food- an exciting Friday evening for the average American dullard. She ordered soup and a sandwich, and I also, plus a bread-bowl to house my cheddar-broccoli.
Girlfriend offered to run and pick-up the food and I greeted her when she returned with the meal, not paying attention to what she brought in. When I laid eyes, the healthy appetite I had worked up inhaling flecks of old dead paint and hoisting a half-ton desk through a second-story window, pretty much went out the window.
Sitting in pomp grandiosity on our dining room table was the Monster Cock of all paper bags. It had brown twisty-rope handles and was the size of a mini-fridge. I gazed up, over and down into its' gynormous cavity. Successively, I was hit with a first, and then a second shocking wave of overwhelming disgustipation when I absorbed that each order (the balls, so to speak)- the soup, the sandwich, the other soup, the other sandwich, and the breadbowl- had each been separately bagged; all within the one Mother Bag. "Nature is fucked", the bag called out- the paper with a whimper, the Panera Bread Logo with ignorant, corporate triumphalism.
Continuing, I pull out the soup in its non-recyclable foam & plastic container, then grab the sandwich, wrapped so thoroughly in food-tissue paper that I strongly recommend their services to anyone selling Fine China on eBay. I felt like I had cut down the whole apple tree for 1 or 2 pieces of fruit. Doesn't Panera Bread realize how hard it is for me to enjoy their food when I'm left feeling like wasteful, consumptive human scum?
Deeply saddened,
Mr. Wilson
copyright 2008
Press Black
Cody on guitar
Ben plays the bass
Willis smashing his drums
As they rock this place
They scream, They yell
Turning venues to hell
Music from the heart
There since the start
Find a cause that's what they do
Playing their music for me, for you
Thrashing around the crowd goes insane
The words resonate in your brain
Many might scoff, Many won't like
At least they have passion, deep inside
Their lyrics are strong
Their rhythms are swift
Granting our presence with their gift
I'm only one fan
But I know they have more
Don't be shy people, walk through the door
Critics might say punk is crap
Open your ears
Hear Press Black
~ Jay Blann
Ben plays the bass
Willis smashing his drums
As they rock this place
They scream, They yell
Turning venues to hell
Music from the heart
There since the start
Find a cause that's what they do
Playing their music for me, for you
Thrashing around the crowd goes insane
The words resonate in your brain
Many might scoff, Many won't like
At least they have passion, deep inside
Their lyrics are strong
Their rhythms are swift
Granting our presence with their gift
I'm only one fan
But I know they have more
Don't be shy people, walk through the door
Critics might say punk is crap
Open your ears
Hear Press Black
~ Jay Blann
Under The Radar: Skarp -"Requiem"
After finding out that Seattle Washington's Skarp had labeled their music as "Blackout Fucking Grindcore" it was inevitable that I was going to love it...I had no choice. With new genre names popping up every day...emo, screamo, industrial post-modern popcore hip-hop you're-boring-the-shit-out-of-me-I’ll-have-a-salad-core...it
's impossible to keep up. It's refreshing that a band will just get to the point and make some music. This is some of the most hard hitting, disastrously brutal music I've ever heard mixing elements of Grindcore, Crust Punk, and about 11 seconds of Ska. I'm not a fan of music this heavy usually, but there are several factors about Skarp that keep me listening. It's not often you hear female vocals in this type of music and Skarp does it well...Renae is clearly not fucking around. The drummer is the other winning point for me, very very quick, interesting snare drum sound, and some of the cleanest blast-beats I’ve ever heard. Even if you're not into this kind of music it's still amazing just to hear the musicianship if nothing else. I like this album more every time I hear it.
's impossible to keep up. It's refreshing that a band will just get to the point and make some music. This is some of the most hard hitting, disastrously brutal music I've ever heard mixing elements of Grindcore, Crust Punk, and about 11 seconds of Ska. I'm not a fan of music this heavy usually, but there are several factors about Skarp that keep me listening. It's not often you hear female vocals in this type of music and Skarp does it well...Renae is clearly not fucking around. The drummer is the other winning point for me, very very quick, interesting snare drum sound, and some of the cleanest blast-beats I’ve ever heard. Even if you're not into this kind of music it's still amazing just to hear the musicianship if nothing else. I like this album more every time I hear it.
We, the Stupid…
D. Van Skiver
In three weeks or less (at press time), I will become a father for the first time. And among the concerns and fears I have are that this is the nation my son will inherit:
~ George W. Bush enjoyed two terms as president of the United States.
~ Paris Hilton is worshipped for teaching young girls that being a stupid cunt is cool.
~ 25-year-old women are referred to as “MILFs” on the Internet.
~ Sarah Palin has a pretty good chance of becoming the next Vice President.
~ Microsoft Word has informed me that “Internet” should be capitalized. I suppose that’s to separate itfrom “the internets”.
~ We kill murderers to teach them that killing is wrong.
~ Too many adults still make fun of poor people and “retards”.
~ You’d be surprised how often you hear the word “nigger” when everyone you work with is white.
~ Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull actually made it to the big screen.
~ Chances are that your high school had brand new sports equipment every year. Chances are just as
high that your math textbook was at least five years old.
~ Reality shows are popular. After nearly a decade, I still can’t get my head around that...
~ A woman’s breasts have become so sexualized that people think it’s indecent for her to use them for
their original purpose in public.
~ People will pay more than I make in two weeks for a single ticket to see Barbara Streisand.
~ NASCAR. I can't even think of a way to elaborate.
~ John McCain is using the word “change” and getting away with it.
~ A bad sci-fi writer can start a pyramid scheme and call it a religion and it can still thrive years after
he’s gone. A good sci-fi writer inspires a really bad David Lynch movie starring Sting.
~ Most of the wealth of potential in hip-hop is wasted on people with nothing better to say than "I'm a
badass".
~ Poison and Motley Crue, along with their ridiculous costumes, have• somehow managed to become
“cool” again. You know, there was a damned good reason everyone turned on bands like that in the
early 90’s.
~ People think that Muslims are “evil” people who hate our freedom.
~ We’re STILL in Iraq.
I want so badly to shield him from all of this. I want to lock him up in a tower with good books and good music and no bad television or bad movies or bad music, and no contact with the idiotic world around him. But that, I suppose, would make me no better than the assholes who already dictate what we see and hear on a daily basis. And so I have to let him experience it all, the good and the bad, and hope he comes out of it not thinking that Sarah Palin is smart or that “Puttin’ a boot in yer ass” is the American Way.
In three weeks or less (at press time), I will become a father for the first time. And among the concerns and fears I have are that this is the nation my son will inherit:
~ George W. Bush enjoyed two terms as president of the United States.
~ Paris Hilton is worshipped for teaching young girls that being a stupid cunt is cool.
~ 25-year-old women are referred to as “MILFs” on the Internet.
~ Sarah Palin has a pretty good chance of becoming the next Vice President.
~ Microsoft Word has informed me that “Internet” should be capitalized. I suppose that’s to separate itfrom “the internets”.
~ We kill murderers to teach them that killing is wrong.
~ Too many adults still make fun of poor people and “retards”.
~ You’d be surprised how often you hear the word “nigger” when everyone you work with is white.
~ Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull actually made it to the big screen.
~ Chances are that your high school had brand new sports equipment every year. Chances are just as
high that your math textbook was at least five years old.
~ Reality shows are popular. After nearly a decade, I still can’t get my head around that...
~ A woman’s breasts have become so sexualized that people think it’s indecent for her to use them for
their original purpose in public.
~ People will pay more than I make in two weeks for a single ticket to see Barbara Streisand.
~ NASCAR. I can't even think of a way to elaborate.
~ John McCain is using the word “change” and getting away with it.
~ A bad sci-fi writer can start a pyramid scheme and call it a religion and it can still thrive years after
he’s gone. A good sci-fi writer inspires a really bad David Lynch movie starring Sting.
~ Most of the wealth of potential in hip-hop is wasted on people with nothing better to say than "I'm a
badass".
~ Poison and Motley Crue, along with their ridiculous costumes, have• somehow managed to become
“cool” again. You know, there was a damned good reason everyone turned on bands like that in the
early 90’s.
~ People think that Muslims are “evil” people who hate our freedom.
~ We’re STILL in Iraq.
I want so badly to shield him from all of this. I want to lock him up in a tower with good books and good music and no bad television or bad movies or bad music, and no contact with the idiotic world around him. But that, I suppose, would make me no better than the assholes who already dictate what we see and hear on a daily basis. And so I have to let him experience it all, the good and the bad, and hope he comes out of it not thinking that Sarah Palin is smart or that “Puttin’ a boot in yer ass” is the American Way.
Spinal Crap
D. Van Skiver
It’s a given that every band has their Spinal Tap moments. Playing shows is, in its own way, a pain in the ass. You’ve got to coordinate a group of people (in our case, seven of us) and make sure everyone is able to be there. Then you’ve got to get all of them there, plus their equipment, which typically turns out to be a multi-vehicular expedition. Inevitably, at least one of the drivers has no idea how to get there, which means trying to follow each other through bumper-to-bumper traffic on the beltway of a given city. A lane change becomes an ordeal. Someone misses a turn, possibly causing someone else to make the same wrong turn. Dinner winds up being Wendy’s, which runs the risk of giving the entire band digestion complications. One of the cars is low on gas, so everyone has to stop.
Once at the venue, there’s almost always questions about the line-up, or the set length, or who’s borrowing who’s equipment. The drummer from this band needs to leave early, so can we switch places? The guitarist from that band doesn’t have an amp, can we borrow yours?
So you set up, and then there is a whole new realm of potential problems. Bad instrument cables, broken strings, dead batteries, not enough mics, not enough electrical outlets, blown tubes or failing solid-state amps, a forgotten guitar strap, a forgotten tuner, the list goes on.
After that it’s a trust game. All seven people have to know their parts. All seven people have to make sure their instrument is in tune. And even at this point, as we found out at the Metro Gallery last night, all the shit in the last paragraph can STILL go wrong at any second.
How you handle it is what counts. When the lead guitar suddenly refuses to make a sound regardless of what the guitarist tries, it’s up to the rest of the band to fill that dead air, and it’s up to the whole band to keep the situation in perspective. Sure, you’re embarrassed because the guys from the other band are carrying an amp onto the stage to save your set, but there’s a guy sleeping on the sidewalk three blocks away and he hasn't eaten all day.
The key is not to make a big deal out of the situation. Despite all the technical complications, I don’t feel like our set was ruined. I had a great time playing. I met some cool people. I was playing bass for a small crowd at 9:30 on a Saturday night instead of zoning out in front of the TV or the computer. And that’s worth the pain in the ass of getting there, setting up, and dealing with whatever happens onstage.
It’s a given that every band has their Spinal Tap moments. Playing shows is, in its own way, a pain in the ass. You’ve got to coordinate a group of people (in our case, seven of us) and make sure everyone is able to be there. Then you’ve got to get all of them there, plus their equipment, which typically turns out to be a multi-vehicular expedition. Inevitably, at least one of the drivers has no idea how to get there, which means trying to follow each other through bumper-to-bumper traffic on the beltway of a given city. A lane change becomes an ordeal. Someone misses a turn, possibly causing someone else to make the same wrong turn. Dinner winds up being Wendy’s, which runs the risk of giving the entire band digestion complications. One of the cars is low on gas, so everyone has to stop.
Once at the venue, there’s almost always questions about the line-up, or the set length, or who’s borrowing who’s equipment. The drummer from this band needs to leave early, so can we switch places? The guitarist from that band doesn’t have an amp, can we borrow yours?
So you set up, and then there is a whole new realm of potential problems. Bad instrument cables, broken strings, dead batteries, not enough mics, not enough electrical outlets, blown tubes or failing solid-state amps, a forgotten guitar strap, a forgotten tuner, the list goes on.
After that it’s a trust game. All seven people have to know their parts. All seven people have to make sure their instrument is in tune. And even at this point, as we found out at the Metro Gallery last night, all the shit in the last paragraph can STILL go wrong at any second.
How you handle it is what counts. When the lead guitar suddenly refuses to make a sound regardless of what the guitarist tries, it’s up to the rest of the band to fill that dead air, and it’s up to the whole band to keep the situation in perspective. Sure, you’re embarrassed because the guys from the other band are carrying an amp onto the stage to save your set, but there’s a guy sleeping on the sidewalk three blocks away and he hasn't eaten all day.
The key is not to make a big deal out of the situation. Despite all the technical complications, I don’t feel like our set was ruined. I had a great time playing. I met some cool people. I was playing bass for a small crowd at 9:30 on a Saturday night instead of zoning out in front of the TV or the computer. And that’s worth the pain in the ass of getting there, setting up, and dealing with whatever happens onstage.
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