ENVIRONMENTAL ALERT

Don't Eat Take-Out; It's Environmentally Catastrophic

For dinner this evening, decided to try the new Panera Bread that just opened around the corner in Easton. Since I was filthy from work (scraping old shutters) and moving Cheri's big honking desk (props to Kenney, Matt, and Cody), and too exhausted to clean up and go public, we decided to look up their menu online and do some carry-out. New restaurant, new sugar-coated processed food- an exciting Friday evening for the average American dullard. She ordered soup and a sandwich, and I also, plus a bread-bowl to house my cheddar-broccoli.
Girlfriend offered to run and pick-up the food and I greeted her when she returned with the meal, not paying attention to what she brought in. When I laid eyes, the healthy appetite I had worked up inhaling flecks of old dead paint and hoisting a half-ton desk through a second-story window, pretty much went out the window.
Sitting in pomp grandiosity on our dining room table was the Monster Cock of all paper bags. It had brown twisty-rope handles and was the size of a mini-fridge. I gazed up, over and down into its' gynormous cavity. Successively, I was hit with a first, and then a second shocking wave of overwhelming disgustipation when I absorbed that each order (the balls, so to speak)- the soup, the sandwich, the other soup, the other sandwich, and the breadbowl- had each been separately bagged; all within the one Mother Bag. "Nature is fucked", the bag called out- the paper with a whimper, the Panera Bread Logo with ignorant, corporate triumphalism.
Continuing, I pull out the soup in its non-recyclable foam & plastic container, then grab the sandwich, wrapped so thoroughly in food-tissue paper that I strongly recommend their services to anyone selling Fine China on eBay. I felt like I had cut down the whole apple tree for 1 or 2 pieces of fruit. Doesn't Panera Bread realize how hard it is for me to enjoy their food when I'm left feeling like wasteful, consumptive human scum?

Deeply saddened,
Mr. Wilson
copyright 2008