By: P. Moffett
September 5 1698- Russia's Peter the Great decides to tax bearded men. He actually had the balls to tax facial hair, and if you decided to keep the beard you had to wear a medal that stated "beards are a ridiculous ornament." There are just no words to describe such awesome oppressiveness as this. He had a fricken tax for everything, chimneys, boots, beehives,... how in the hell do you tax a beehive? Peter enacted sweeping reforms and built a massive military turning Russia into a world power. On January 11 1722 he enacted the 'Soul Tax' which basically was a tax for being alive, and though he was not religious himself, he forced those who claimed not to believe in the soul to pay a "religious dissenters tax." I love this guy.
September 13 1899- 68 year old real estate broker Henry Bliss is struck by Arthur Smith while crossing Central Park West in New York City causing the first recorded automobile fatality. When the nurse at the hospital asked Bliss why he did not look both ways for cars when crossing the street he responded 'what the fuck is a car?' And then he died.
September 18 1970- Jimi Hendrix dies in London at the age of 27. Bummer
September 19 1995- The Washington Post publishes Ted Kaczynski a.k.a the UNAbombers 35,000 word Manifesto. The Unabomber had been wanted for mail bombings since 1978 but the FBI was unable to gain any ground until the publication of the Manifesto which told of the bleak state of society caused by the industrial revolution. This may be because the FBI's only evidence until then was a sketch that looked like Magnum P.I. crossed with a serial rapist. In reality Kaczynski had none of Tom Selleck’s sleek chiseled features and just looked like your everyday, run of the mill, old creepy serial rapist, and was caught only because David Kaczynski recognized the writing style of the Manifesto as that of his brother. He was arrested in a small cabin in Montana which is now on exhibit at the News Museum in Washington D.C.
September 8 1998- Mark McGwire hits his 62 home run of the season and breaks the 37 year old mark set by Roger Maris. McGwire trots around the bases and then climbs to the stands and to share the moment with Maris family. Unfortunately when he hugs Maris's widow her head pops off like a champagne cork and lands in the upper deck of Busch Stadium. He then eats Maris's children and showers the cheering fans in some steroid enhanced urine.
Movie of the Month- Millers Crossing...The Coen Brothers at their best
Food of the Month- Its about to be Crocktober suckas, slow cook something and gain some weight for the cold months.
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