We, the Stupid…

D. Van Skiver

In three weeks or less (at press time), I will become a father for the first time. And among the concerns and fears I have are that this is the nation my son will inherit:

~ George W. Bush enjoyed two terms as president of the United States.
~ Paris Hilton is worshipped for teaching young girls that being a stupid cunt is cool.
~ 25-year-old women are referred to as “MILFs” on the Internet.
~ Sarah Palin has a pretty good chance of becoming the next Vice President.
~ Microsoft Word has informed me that “Internet” should be capitalized. I suppose that’s to separate itfrom “the internets”.
~ We kill murderers to teach them that killing is wrong.
~ Too many adults still make fun of poor people and “retards”.
~ You’d be surprised how often you hear the word “nigger” when everyone you work with is white.
~ Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull actually made it to the big screen.
~ Chances are that your high school had brand new sports equipment every year. Chances are just as
high that your math textbook was at least five years old.
~ Reality shows are popular. After nearly a decade, I still can’t get my head around that...
~ A woman’s breasts have become so sexualized that people think it’s indecent for her to use them for
their original purpose in public.
~ People will pay more than I make in two weeks for a single ticket to see Barbara Streisand.
~ NASCAR. I can't even think of a way to elaborate.
~ John McCain is using the word “change” and getting away with it.
~ A bad sci-fi writer can start a pyramid scheme and call it a religion and it can still thrive years after
he’s gone. A good sci-fi writer inspires a really bad David Lynch movie starring Sting.
~ Most of the wealth of potential in hip-hop is wasted on people with nothing better to say than "I'm a
badass".
~ Poison and Motley Crue, along with their ridiculous costumes, have• somehow managed to become
“cool” again. You know, there was a damned good reason everyone turned on bands like that in the
early 90’s.
~ People think that Muslims are “evil” people who hate our freedom.
~ We’re STILL in Iraq.

I want so badly to shield him from all of this. I want to lock him up in a tower with good books and good music and no bad television or bad movies or bad music, and no contact with the idiotic world around him. But that, I suppose, would make me no better than the assholes who already dictate what we see and hear on a daily basis. And so I have to let him experience it all, the good and the bad, and hope he comes out of it not thinking that Sarah Palin is smart or that “Puttin’ a boot in yer ass” is the American Way.